Under constant stress, most of us run on autopilot, and on autopilot even capable leaders slide toward average. The thoughts that do the most harm are the ones that never leave our heads, where fear, worst-case thinking and self-doubt drain the energy we need to think clearly, stay curious and connect with others. Getting those thoughts out into the open, with a coach, a therapist or a good friend, is often where change begins.
In this episode, without a guest, we share the coaching tools we use most in turbulent times. FIEND, for thoughts that stay fearful, irrational, exaggerated, negative and dark, becomes GLITTER once those thoughts are on the table: goal-focused, in the light, insightful, transactional, transformational, empowering and realistic. VIVID gives leaders and their teams a shared language for what someone needs from a conversation, whether to vent, share information, seek validation, ideate or get direction, so a leader stops handing out direction nobody asked for. Along the way, we look at how rarely we are as self-aware as we believe, how power can mute empathy, what coaching returns to an organization, and why a fresh bottle of water can open a hard conversation.
Chapters:
- (00:00) - Welcome and coaching for turbulent times
- (02:36) - A tsunami of emotions
- (05:08) - Why stress keeps leaders average
- (06:16) - When thoughts stay in your head
- (09:33) - How the fiend drains our energy
- (12:42) - Putting thoughts on the examination table
- (14:14) - From FIEND to GLITTER
- (17:34) - Listening for the blinking words
- (20:34) - Why leaders don't like to think
- (23:14) - How self-aware we really are
- (24:13) - Regret, impostor syndrome and perfectionism
- (26:10) - Leaders who don't know they're stressed
- (28:32) - Not the smartest person in the room
- (29:07) - How power mutes empathy
- (31:27) - What we count on leaders to do
- (33:56) - The return on coaching
- (34:53) - What losing a leader really costs
- (40:29) - The manager misstep
- (42:53) - The VIVID tool
- (45:22) - Vivid or the villain
- (46:41) - When someone just needs to vent
- (48:06) - The feeling wheel
- (49:38) - A fresh bottle of water
- (50:28) - Connect before you direct
Referenced in this episode:
Survey on the most common stress emotions in the United States, January 2021 - https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/04/numbers-national-crisis
Global survey of daily worry, stress, sadness, anger and pain - https://www.gallup.com/analytics/349280/gallup-global-emotions-report.aspx
Tasha Eurich on how rare self-awareness is - https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
Study on how power changes the way the brain responds to others - https://experts.mcmaster.ca/scholarly-works/1429894
Client study on the return companies see from coaching, 2009 - https://www.europeanceo.com/business-and-management/first-class-coaches/
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